Comfort In Control
by Sebs
Summary: After a tragedy in Hawke's life, the one person she wishes would come comfort her doesn't, but to her surprise, someone else does. Rated M for eventual smut. F!Hawke & Sebastian Vael. Spoiler's from Act II & III in game. NSFW.


A/N:  
>Title: <strong>Comfort In Control<strong>  
>Author: Sebs<br>Summary: This will be turning into a shortish story involving Sebastian and my F!Hawke; Katerina. I'm rating all chapters M, for eventual smut purposes, etc. Enjoy, leave comments and reviews!  
>Shoutout to Amelia, this story is for you, dear.<br>Disclaimer: All characters, names, etc are property of Bioware. I just like to play with their heads, a bit.

She couldn't cry. She wanted to, but she couldn't. The tears were there, the feeling was inside her and it ached at the very pit of her soul, begging her to feel some emotion other than guilt, but something inside of her refused to break. Katerina Hawke sat in front of her fireplace, unable to move since Gamlen had left, since he had accused her of being the reason her mother was now dead. _It's true._ She thought to herself. Maybe if she had been home more instead of adventuring, maybe if she had taken better care of her mother, maybe if she had been more interested in her mother's life… maybe she'd still be alive.

Hawke sighed as a lump formed in her throat and she swallowed to rid herself of the bile taste that formed in her mouth. Her body was beginning to ache from however long she had been sitting in that same exact position; hours if she had to guess. She stood and stretched, realizing then that she was still in her blood covered Rogue attire and desperately needed to change.

Listlessly she walked from the chair in front of her fireplace to the stairs outside of her library; using everything she passed as support to hold herself upright, being too exhausted from the day's events to do it herself. As she reached the first step, she felt a small tug on her shirt from below and turned to see her faithful Mabari, Gizmo, staring up at her. The dog hoisted herself onto her hind legs and leaned against her mistress, tail wagging enthusiastically as Katerina reached down to gently pat the panting mutt on the head.

"Sorry girl, no playing tonight." Gizmo whined in response, jumped down, and followed her master up the stairs and into her bedroom.

Hawke entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed, having forgotten completely the reason for heading upstairs in the first place; her mind racing once again with thoughts of her mother. She placed her head in her hands and sighed.

Gizmo had situated herself on the floor in-between Hawke's feet and had quickly fallen asleep, causing Hawke to look down at her after awhile when she heard sudden snores from below. Minutes seemed to tick away quickly and Katerina wasn't sure how much time had exactly passed since she initially came upstairs to sit on the bed. She realized she had gotten so lost in her thoughts that night had befallen Kirkwall and at least an hour had passed.

She was about to stand and undress into night clothes for sleep when she heard a creak at top of the stairs and a dark shadow loomed in the doorway of her bedroom. Squinting, she saw the tall, silhouetted form of Sebastian. The fire in the room cast dark golden shadows over his white armor as he perched himself against the doorframe, arms crossed.

"Sebastian?" Hawke called out to him, her voice hoarse to her ears.

"Hello, Hawke."

"Did Bodahn see you in?" She asked softly as she watched him leave the doorway and make his way slowly to the bed to sit next to her.

He nodded.

Sebastian lingering outside of her bedroom door was a sight she least expected that night. She was aware all of her companions knew that her mother had passed tragically, and earlier in the day Aveline and Merrill had stopped by to offer their condolences to her, but if she expected anyone, it would have been Fenris. Sure, her relationship with him – if you'd even call it that – was brief and lasted only one night before he ended it. She understood why he ran that night; understood that all of it – his feelings, his memories, his past, his present, and her were all too much for him to bear and commit to. She got that part and understood it all perfectly, but she loved him and in the end, he still ran away and didn't even give her the chance to try to be there for him. She wasn't sure if she should be upset because Fenris didn't come to be there for her, or happy.

"Hawke, are you all right?"

"Hm?"

"You seem completely out of it."

She sighed, realizing he was right. In all honesty, she had completely forgotten that he had come to visit not minutes before, let alone that he was sitting next to her. When she turned to face him, she saw his expression had taken on what Katerina knew to be concern.

She gave an empty laugh and stood. "Ah Sebastian, I'm fine, but I thank you for the concern."

Hawke made her way over to the chest where she kept her night clothes and quickly began to strip off her blood-stained rogue attire. Sebastian noticed and quickly turned, covering his eyes with his hand; not necessarily to block out anything he'd try to peek at, but because he was more or less in shock Hawke would begin to strip in front of him.

_Then again, this is Hawke we're talking about._ He let the thought drain from his mind as he strained to not picture her without any clothes on.

"Hawke, would you, uh, prefer I left you to it for the night?"

"Leave me to what?" Fully clothed again, she stood in front of him.

He turned at the sound of her being so close again and peeked through the space in-between the fingers covering his eyes.

"I know you're chaste and all but seriously Sebastian, all I did was change." She reached for his hand and slowly tore his fingers away from his eyes. "See? My lady parts won't jump out to get you. I promise."

He huffed out in irritation.

Sebastian and Hawke never agreed on anything and their friendship wasn't well, the friendliest in Kirkwall. He thought of her as nothing but a slave to those around her; bowing at their every whim to make a name for herself in the city. She thought of him as nothing but a now closet man-whore who hid behind the chantry walls and laws because he was too afraid and ashamed of his past. But despite their differences, beyond all the negative thoughts and opinions, they still had a mutual respect for each other, and behind their mutual respect was an attraction neither one could pin point.

"Must you always be so infuriating, Hawke?" He breathed out, and realizing his hand was still in hers, he slowly retreated.

"Only on my good days." She replied with a forced smile. "Why are you here, anyway? Surely you haven't come to show Gizmo more attention at this hour?"

The Mabari's ears pricked up at hearing her name. She eyed Sebastian and her master on the bed, yawned, then turned over lazily and fell back to sleep.

Sebastian sighed. "I was in the Chantry performing duties all day and I just got word of your mother. I knew it was late, but I wanted to come and give you my condolences. Would you rather I leave?"

_Mother_. For a few brief moments she was back in her old life, back to yesterday, back to the day when her mother was alive and everything was fine. Sebastian had distracted her just enough, even unknowing, to make her forget… just to make her come back to reality and remember all over again. She hated him at that moment, but thanked him all the same.

She slowly shook her head. She aware he was staring at her and waiting for a reply, but she was unable to speak; shock had taken control of her once again. The bile taste returned to her mouth and she fought at every emotion that wracked at her body again, begging for her to release the river of tears that flowed inside of her.

"Is there anything I can do?" The last of his words faded with a tone Katerina hadn't heard since the night they had talked in the Chantry after slaying Lady Harimann and the Desire Demon.

"Will you stay the night with me?" She blurted the question out before she even thought of the consequences of asking it. _Maker, I'm a stupid woman._ She didn't necessarily mean for that question to come out the way it did. Sebastian would never sleep with her and sacrifice his vow to the Maker. She would never ask that of him, they were barely friends to begin with.

"Hawke, you know I can't-"

"I didn't mean it like that!" She shrugged as a small groan escaped her lips. "I meant that, I just don't want to be alone tonight. I wouldn't ask you to break your vows, not for me. You don't even have to lay with me, just stay here. Please… don't leave me."

She was begging him, she knew what she was doing, but she couldn't be alone. Not tonight. As pathetic as she sounded, she needed a friend, any friend. She just needed someone to be there.

Sebastian eyed her curiously then looked away to stare as something insignificant on the floor. She knew that look; he was contemplating her question and her motives.

"I swear to you I am not asking you to sleep with me. You don't even have to spend the night, just stay until I fall asleep. Maker, you know me, Sebastian; I wouldn't ask this of you if it were any other circumstance."

"All right, Hawke. I will sit by your door until you fall asleep. But if you speak of this to anyone, Andraste forgive me for what I will do to you."

She nodded silently and crawled underneath the covers. Standing, he took the covers from her hands and brought them up to her neck. For a brief moment, they locked eyes and Katerina saw in him something she had never seen before, but what it was she couldn't comprehend.

He pulled away and peered down at her. "Are you comfortable?"

"Yes."

"I'll be at your door. Sleep well, Hawke."

Katerina closed her eyes. She heard his armor clash against itself as he made his way to the doorframe, in which he kept true to his word and sat on the floor. Soon after, it was Gizmo's huge paws she heard as she padded over to the man sitting on her floor and nuzzled against him. When exhaustion finally overcame her, it was her mother's distorted body and face that haunted her dreams.


End file.
